Babe! Merry Christmas! I Got You Running Water.

7 Gallon Aqua-TainersYou know that moment when you’re really excited about a great idea? Finally wearing those sexy shoes out, taking your child on a large roller coaster for the first time, the family vacation to Disneyland, or moving in with your life-long best friend…then, your feet start to hurt, your child begins bawling, the stress of buying a $15 pickle and waiting in a 3-hour line makes you want to jump on a large firework, and…you no longer have a best friend.

Yea, you know what I’m talking about. The exhilaration of the great idea becomes reality. And sometimes reality looks directly into your eyes and picks its nose.

We moved into Primrose Station last year in April. I will never forget the honeymoon stage of the first few nights there. It was so romantic. We built a fire…inside the building. We drank wine and watched the sun set. We turned on a propane lantern and read before going to sleep. It felt like we were camping—because we were literally living in an RV inside our crazy 5000 square foot windowless monolith.

I felt like I had a pretty good attitude all things considering. We did not have running water. We did not have electricity. We did not have windows. Don’t even get me started on those other creature comforts like HOT water, toilets, or refrigeration. I secretly stashed clothes in the lockers at work and showered there every day.

Now that I think about it, it was probably not-so-secret. I am not a very subtle person, so people probably noticed that I ran through the building in some kind of weird track outfit in the morning and were surprised when they saw me later in the day wearing something more work appropriate.

Since we didn’t have a refrigerator, we bought a $329 Yeti cooler to keep our perishable food in. Which leads me suddenly to the conclusion that this whole project may have been some kind of farce to trick me into getting Al all of the sweet gear he’s ever wanted. WHO BUYS A $329 COOLER?! I’m sure that Al will make a post someday about all of the technical aspects of the Yeti cooler and why it was so important for us, but for all of you husbands out there who think you can trick your wives into buying a warehouse somewhere to fill with all of the gear you’ve ever wanted…I’m on to you now. For the record, and maybe to make you jealous, he does also have: a riding lawn mower, two complete sets of power tools, and a tractor.

Since we didn’t have running water, we used 7 gallon Aqua-Tainers to hold our water and we carried it in from the water pump outside. I learned just yesterday that 1 gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds, so those damn Aqua-Tainers weighed 58.38 pounds!! It is no wonder that on lazy days I would throw Al a cold can of chili to eat for dinner instead of lugging one of those giant jugs into the “kitchen” to make something more substantial.

Since we didn’t have a toilet…Our Iveco Z-100

…I just want you to stew on that for a moment…

We had a toilet in the RV that Al used, but I refused to use. So, *TMI coming, click away right now if you have any respect for yourself at all.

If you’re still here, I’ll tell you what I did. Ladies, I peed outside. Every. Damn. Day. And Montana in April is not warm. Luckily, I have total control over my body (except when I run into or drop things), and I was coincidentally near functional toilets any other time I needed them. Try to put that into your iCal.

So, we survived our first Spring. I may have come to work looking like a hobo, but at least I had a job that had a locker room and showers. Al may have been malnourished, but at least he had new man-toys to cuddle him to sleep. And because every good husband wants to please his wife, my Christmas present this year was RUNNING WATER! And an AR (an Armalite rifle), but that’s a story for another day. Happy New Year everyone!

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